Loving My Work Less Than My Life
I’m in a weird season of entrepreneurship. Pregnancy will do that to you, I guess. In many ways, 2019 has been a year of record highs and big dreams realized. I opened my second studio, hit big goals in my first studio, made great hires that have allowed me to delegate and breathe, and grown the Pure Barre brand in Colorado Springs. It’s been a hard year, too. We’ve had a lot of staff transitions, and I’ve battled the uncertainty and questions that always come alongside a new venture. But, in the big scheme of it all, there have been far more wins than losses.
And yet, I’ve also never felt more disconnected from my businesses, and I know it all comes down to the currently 1 pound baby kicking me in my belly as I write this. It’s not that I love my work any less, I just think that God is preparing me to love something else more.
I’ve always wanted to be a working mom. I’ve always wanted a career that gives me the flexibility to raise my children and invest in them the way my incredible mom did with my sister and me as a stay-at-home-mom. For years, I feared having children because I knew I wouldn’t be able to enjoy it for one reason or another. Starting a business was too all-consuming, money was too tight, and my time was demanded right and left. There was no space to breathe, let alone care for a little baby that needed me more than my staff did.
I honestly believe that this season of pregnancy has been such a gift because God allowed it to happen at the perfect time, even when it didn’t seem “perfect” on paper (opening a studio 5 weeks pregnant was a little weird). But, it’s the first time in 5 years that I’ve had the ability to step away just enough to get my priorities right and logistically plan for the future in a way that doesn’t terrify me.
And it’s also been weird because I feel less like “me”.
It’s been weird to feel God slowing me down, both in my physical ability and my need to do all the things, all the time. I used to worry that I would hate the time that I took away from my businesses in those early months of babyhood, and now, I’m not worried. I know I’ll work when I want to work, and if I want to answer emails on day 3, so be it. The prescription for what is normal doesn’t have to be my guidebook. I recently heard a podcast that urged us to stop pushing for work-life balance and instead strive for work-life harmony, and I think that’s the direction I’m heading.
I needed to fall a little bit out of love (or obsession) with my work to make room for what’s to come. I feel like it’s the perspective shift I always needed but never knew how to achieve when it was just me in the picture. Some women might be able to evaluate their life and put their work on the proper tier of importance in comparison to their spouse, relationships, and daily life, but I have always struggled. And now, the baby is my easiest reminder. I probably need him as much as he is going to need me, and I ultimately think my studios will benefit from me calming down.
To sum it all up, I don’t feel like less of an business woman; I feel like more of a human. I feel like I could never view my studios with the proper lens because they meant too much to me - they literally have been my babies. But when you love your work more than you love your life, you’ll always be out of whack, and you’ll never be level-headed enough to lead. When everything matters too much, the things that really matter fall by the wayside, and the things that don’t take centerstage. This season has been my reset button and constant reminder to trust the God that called me to both business and motherhood.