Thought about Doing my Taxes, Ate Chocolate Instead


I feel vastly under qualified for most of my responsibilities. Over the years, I've gotten the reputation from my peers of being "good" at most things that I do. I appreciate the compliment, but it's a little bit unfounded. I'm just really good at faking it. I'll never forget one of the first meetings I had with a contractor that I was interviewing to build my studio. The man was gruff and to the point, and he spent a solid twenty minutes asking me about sound clips and orange peel walls (this is a thing) and the weight bearing capabilities of different fixtures. I tried to give him my most intelligent responses and quiet the voice in my head that was screaming, "You are losing control of this meeting!" There were days when I would spend hours on end setting up different tax licenses online, and I would want to cry myself into a puddle and say, "I'm just a kid! They didn't teach me this in school!" Unfortunately, that excuse doesn't work in the real world.

When faced with the magnitude of trying to grow up too fast, I have discovered that I admire those who can tear down the veil of appearances. You know how more and more beauty campaigns have become about breaking down the myths of photoshop and embracing authentic beauty? I think we need to start unveiling those lies in other aspects of life, and we need to do it over and over. We all know photoshop is a facade, but that doesn't stop us from sucking in our stomachs when we pass the magazine aisle. Some things need to be drilled into our heads, lest we forget them.

So here's the truth. I am an entrepreneur, but I have to call my dad to answer the majority of business questions I don't know. Sometimes, I google ways to use Quickbooks before I send panicked emails to my accountant. After my workout today, I was too scatterbrained to make lunch, so I ate grapes and chocolate chips out of the bag. I share photos of eating at fancy restaurants, but I actually cook 99% of my meals because I'm on a budget. I own a fitness studio, and I do not have a perfect body (the chocolate chips probably aren't helping). I love to write about relationships, but sometimes, I neglect the best ones in my own life because I get too distracted to pick up the phone. I have posted picture-perfect photos of Ross and me after sending him a passive aggressive text about not cleaning the apartment. Life is not always what it appears, and perfect only exists in pictures.

I don't list these things to be self-depracating, I do it to let others know that it's okay to be honest about how life is really going. Today, I thought about doing my taxes, but I ate chocolate chips instead. I put on a really good show of being a grown up, but there are days that I would rather be at sorority greek sing practice. Growing up is a process, not the flip of a switch. So, let your guard down. You will impact far more people by being real than by portraying your life as a collection of unattainable goals that no one else feels they can measure up to.

So, happy Friday, here's to those who are tired of photo shopping their lives. I love taking goofy pictures and talking in baby voices to my dog as much as I love owning a business and drinking red wine while pretending to be Olivia Pope. Portraying myself as a successful adult to the outside world is far less enjoyable than being a human, flaws and all. Next time you find yourself in a bubble of insecurity, comparing yourself to someone who just Instagrammed a perfect latte in a VSCO filter, remind yourself that they have tripped in public before, too. And honestly, I'd like to see a picture of that every now and then.