The Walking In-Between
I haven't posted anything in an exceptionally long time (for me) because I truthfully haven't thought about writing. Writing has always been a way for me to process my thoughts, sort through emotions, and virtually document things I've learned. But, throughout the last couple of months, I haven't felt like I was learning. I tend to write when I feel inspired by something, but I felt utterly void of inspiration. Those who knew me well knew that I was in a bit of a funk. In many ways, I just couldn't snap out of questioning my steps. It's not that I was unhappy or depressed, I was genuinely uninspired and felt a little bit abandoned. Packing on all of the life changes at one time had started to catch up to me, and I just didn't feel like myself. Even though everything was going well, and life was plugging right along, I felt purposeless.
In my college leadership classes, we spent a great deal of time discussing our innate longing for purpose. I have always felt the greatest sense of purpose in my life when I am doing work that impacts others. But, after moving across the country to a place where nothing was familiar, I was genuinely struggling to feel like what I was doing mattered. Everything that I was working on was in the background - building a foundation for things in the future. I knew deep down that it was important, but I was losing resolve because it felt like nothing was changing.
But, within the last few weeks, some of the groundwork began to pay off. My studio build started to materialize. My team went to training, and I had the joy of watching a new group of people absorb Pure Barre with fresh eyes. I felt rejuvenated and able to share my passion for what I'm doing with others. My wedding is also in two weeks, which definitely brings up a lot of joy and excitement. I've learned that inspiration, something I've always taken for granted as a coincidence, can't flourish until the foundation is solid.
Often times, we go through stages when we don't feel like we are growing, but that's usually because growth is a subtle process. You can't feel your bones stretching, but you wake up one day and realize that you are taller. Emotional and spiritual growth are the same way. The times when we feel the most uninspired are when we have to continue to dig in and set the stage for what is to come.
I believe life moves in waves, with highs and lows. We will all have times when we question our steps if we are taking steps that are risky and worthwhile. Even more, we have to learn to be thankful when we are feeling inspired because the mountaintop moments are fleeting. Those are the times to document the lessons you learned in the in-between.
You won't always feel that your work is meaningful, but I have found that, if you're worried that you aren't walking out your purpose, have a check point to stay on track. Ask yourself if your decisions in line with your faith, your values, and the counsel of your trusted friends and family. If the answer is yes, and you still don't "feel it", you have to trust that you haven't hit the home stretch, yet. So, keep going.
"Life isn't in the mountains, but the walking in-between." (Ben Rector)